Risk management methodologies are utilized today in many industries and companies successfully to minimize risk impact to the company and projects. In light of this, my question is: can risk management be applied effectively to new relationships to maximize the probability of a successful relationship? I explore this idea below. Please keep in mind that I have presented a simple picture of risk mitigation to get my points made.

What Is Risk Management

The classic approach to risk management is to follow the basic steps comprising: define the risks; probability of occurrence; impact if realized; and handling risks to minimize or retire the risk. Risks are prioritized to effectively utilize available resources to handle the high risks before attending to the lower risks.

What Are The Risks

The list below is cited in a paper by Preston Ni M.S.B.A entitled “Top Ten Reasons Relationships Fail” that I found on Google. Although this is a good list, I decided to explain how risk management may work for new relationships using possessiveness as an issue because I have recent experience with it.

1. Trust Issues
2. Different Expectations
3. Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now? (How serious is your partner being in a long term relationship with you?)
4. Differences In Priorities
5. Moving Through Life At Different Speeds
6. Compatibility Issues
7. Narcissism
8. Relational Abuse
9. Life Habit Abuse
10. Grown Apart, Boredom, Staleness, Rut
11. Money Issues

Possessiveness

A 71 year old friend of mine (I will call her Judy) recently lost her husband and started to date. Judy is attractive, athletic and has a great personality and lives in Florida. She has received the advances of 2 suitors. She is currently seeing Mike and told the other guys she was not interested. I happened to be at a birthday party in Massachusetts with her recently. While we were sitting and chatting by the pool, Judy received a text from Mike (in Florida) about every 15 minutes. To me, possessiveness came to mind but to Judy, Mike was stroking her ego and she loved it. The point is there is a potential risk Mike is possessive in which case this it can lead to a bad relationship down the road.

The first step to basic risk management is identifying the potential risks. In any risk assessment, it is essential that all potential risks be identified even if they appear unlikely at the time. But many times, love is blind and as they say you do not see the forest for the trees. This is why risk management for relationships has to be applied in a very objective and structured fashion before you get so close to the person and objectivity is absent. In my example, a potential risk of possessiveness has been identified for Mike (at least by me but not Judy yet).

The next step is to determine the probability of occurrence for each risk and prioritize them. The probability of occurrence is very difficult to quantify. In Mike’s case, asking him a number of well thought out questions is a good start to gain some insight into the probability of occurrence. Another suggestion is for Judy to tell Mike it is too early for her to get into a serious relationship and she would be dating other men in addition to Mike. His reaction should provide some indication as the probability of occurrence of the risk. Meeting and talking to his friends may also offer some insight into the potential risk.

Once the probability of occurrence has been defined, the impact to the relationship in my example is the next step to determine. You need to ask yourself if Mike is possessive, what will be the impact to the relationship. I think the answer varies from person to person depending on how much possessiveness he/she can handle. I know couples where the guy is very possessive but his other good qualities override this issue and they have a happy relationship. I have also known relationships that fell apart due to excessive possessiveness.

How is the risk handled? This is the hard part of risk management and requires a little creativeness. The four main strategies to handle risks are shown below.

1. Risk avoidance: eliminating a specific risk, usually by eliminating its causes.
2. Risk acceptance: accepting the consequences should a risk occur.
3. Risk transference: shifting consequence of a risk to a third party.
4. Risk mitigation: reducing the impact of a risk event by reducing the probability of its occurrence.

In my example, depending on your tolerance and ability to live with a possessive partner, risk strategy #1 is the best. That is to say, break off the relationship before it gets too serious. If you feel you can live with a possessive person giving all of the other positive traits he/she may have, then strategy #2 may be the best choice. Transferring the risk is probably unrealistic. Risk mitigation may be the best way forward. This strategy assumes Mike will still be possessive but can be managed to an acceptable level. This requires a well thought out plan embraced by your partner, in the example Mike. The plan should include well defined milestones with criteria to provide a way to measure progress in managing the issue. Counseling ought to be a focus of the plan.

Recommendations

Some key recommendations are listed below when using risk management for new relationships.

1. Be objective and structured in your approach to risk management for a new relationship.
2. Identify potential risks and probability of occurrence early in the relationship before it gets too serious and your objectivity becomes fuzzy.
3. Consider all potential risks and prioritize them given your level of comfort in accepting some of them. Remember, no one is perfect.
4. Be realistic in your assessment and do not ignore red flags.
5. Be open and honest with your potential partner.
6. If you have serious doubts, walk away. Do not think he/she will change or you can change them.
7. If you and your partner choose to mitigate an acknowledged issue, then ensure the plan is clear, complete, contains acceptance criteria and is embraced by you and your partner.
8. Remember walking away from a new relationship if you feel uncomfortable is a good thing but do it early.

Summary

Applying classic risk management methodologies to new relationships to reduce personnel pain and suffering has a lot of potential. This article presents a simplified example and application of it to new relationship risk reduction.   Hopefully, it illustrates the potential of it and how it may work. The risk management process is very extensive and complex which I think can be tailored and applied to new relationships risks in a lot more depth than presented herein.

Bio:

John earned a BS in Mechanical Engineering and MS in Engineering Management from Northeastern University. He has a total of 44 years’ experience, 30 years with DOD Companies. He is a member of PMI (project Management Institute). John has managed numerous firm fixed price and cost plus large high technical development programs worth in excessive of $100M. He has extensive subcontract management experience domestically and foreign. John has held a number of positions over his career including: Director of Programs; Director of Operations; Program Manager; Project Engineer; Engineering Manager; and Design Engineer.His technical design areas of experience include: radar; mobile tactical communication systems; cryogenics; electronic packaging; material handling; antennas; x-ray technology; underwater vehicles; welding; structural analysis; and thermal analysis. He has experience in the following areas: design; manufacturing; test; integration; selloff; subcontract management; contracts; risk and opportunity management; and quality control. John is a certified six sigma specialist, certified level 2 EVM (earned value management) specialist; certified CAM (cost control manager).