Yes…is that a ‘yes’ in that something is correct and there is affirmation of acceptance?  Or is it “yes?” in response to having one’s attention attracted, or “yes?” as a question as to how something should be done or “yes” affirming one’s agreement regarding a decision on a particular course of action.  Not all yeses mean the same.

How often though do we hear the word ‘yes’ and assume it’s what we would like it to mean.  Many take ‘yes’ to mean that there is agreement with what has been said and a positive alignment with their way of thinking or writing and the course of action to be taken.  But that’s not entirely so.

‘Yes’, can be implied and despite any positive assumption there’s a negative connotation too.  The subtly of a ‘yes’ meaning ‘no’ is often overlooked.  People, generally, like people who say ‘yes’ and proffer agreement.  However, if a ‘yes’ is only an inference of agreement then there is only the appearance of compliance, and a risk of non-compliance has emerged.

I hear what you say…

How often is this opening line used to either start a conversation or interrupt what is being said before a message has been concluded?  The message may have been listened to, unless the recipient is aurally challenged, but has it been heard?

I’m glad you said that…

Again, this is another innuendo that implies that a message is acceptable.  However, it’s also an opening gambit to add something more to the message or propose something different.  Chances are it’s an attempt at reverse psychology and an attempt to change circumstances so an agreement may be given without any responsibility.

Of course…

If one hears the words ‘of course’ this too can imply acceptance but if uttered by a sceptic this is far from a ‘yes’.  It casts doubt on aspects of any decision and though the inference is that other parts may be acceptable some doubt is conveyed.

Let’s agree to disagree…

The positive connotation is far from a yes.  It’s used as means of interrupting a conversation or meeting and an out-and-out declaration that, although communication may continue certain underlying concerns will not be resolved.  In light of unresolved concerns any subsequent ‘yes’ will be far from an unequivocal acceptance.

Yes…but

This is often heard from listeners who quickly decide on elements with which they disagree.  The ‘yes’ gives the impression that things are generally OK but it’s one of unacceptability because it’s qualified.  The initial ‘yes’ lulls people into a false sense of success, while the ‘but’ shocks and catches them off guard and the difference(s) is glossed over.

Yes…Unequivocally?

Culture, language, experience as well as the medium of transmission and receipt of any message are all part of communication process.  There is also the decoding and subsequent interpretation of the message requiring affirmation.  When all of these factors are considered a seemingly unequivocal ‘yes’ could fall short of absoluteness and be vague and allow, diplomatically speaking, for elements of deliberate ambiguity.

Nods and Winks

But a yes doesn’t have to be spoken; body language has its part too as does inflection, context, location, culture, the audience and the sensitivity of any discussions.  “I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” is worth remembering and, depending on circumstances a yes should be sometimes taken with a pinch of salt, after all a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind man.

Conclusion

Yes…does not always mean that there is agreement.  Although the word may mean the affirmative and, as a statement it implies some understanding of what was said it’s not always an agreement nor an affirmation of understanding.  If it’s not a clear and certain yes and not a categorical ‘no’ more than likely it’s contrary to both and a potential route to longer term misunderstanding, dispute or failure.

The proponents of such innuendo can then sit on the fence, and in the mist of ambiguity they can wait and see how things will pan out.  Any advocatus diaboli may then take praise if things go well because of their constructive criticism or cast blame on those that did not heed their warnings of possible failure if things go wrong.

Conversely, acting on a ‘yes’ in the knowledge that it’s not as unequivocal as it should be, can be easy thing to do.  Declarations of ‘yes’ when there are any communication concerns should be confirmed and verified so that the risk of any misunderstanding can be mitigated and there is crystal clarity before action is taken.

Yeses gets things going and that’s proactive, but the risk of ambiguity has not been resolved and, in the enthusiasm to expedite things, any risk may be conveniently ignored; after all people did say ‘yes’…didn’t they?

Bio:

Malcolm Peart is an UK Chartered Engineer & Chartered Geologist with over thirty-five years’ international experience in multicultural environments on large multidisciplinary infrastructure projects including rail, metro, hydro, airports, tunnels, roads and bridges. Skills include project management, contract administration & procurement, and design & construction management skills as Client, Consultant, and Contractor.