At times, even leadership can be a tremendously lonely experience.
The emotional fallout of making difficult decisions that negatively affect the lives of some team members, the feeling of rejection when team members leave for other opportunities, and the discomfort of disappointing passionate team members who offer ideas that can’t be executed in the moment, among many other leadership acts, all take their toll.
There’s no one within the organization to complain to, commiserate with, or offload the heavy burden of emotions connected to leadership. This makes for some tough sledding anytime a leader temporarily loses their footing and confidence or faces an extreme test. The more senior the leadership role and the more consequential and far-reaching the decisions, the lonelier sitting atop the team becomes.
Keeping the negative feelings and frustrations bottled up inside is a recipe for stress, unhappiness, and burnout. Without the ability to vent and seek catharsis, leaders can turn inward and engage in self-loathing or become indifferent.
That’s why good leaders look outside the organization for relief.
Leaders need an outlet to explore their feelings and to validate the worth of their choices. Trusting and willing family members, friends, mentors, executive coaches, and therapists are worth their weight in gold when they are open to patiently listen to a leader explain what is going on with them.
Those who help leaders with the fragility of frustration by acting as a sounding board and a willing ear play a pivotal role in making those leaders successful.
Finding an outlet shouldn’t happen by chance. Asking those you trust to play this role on occasion is essential before the need arises. Letting others know the role you would like them to play gives them a choice and a heads up. Spouses and partners especially appreciate this!
Learning to swallow your pride and leaning on those who are ready to lend a hand makes the loneliness of leadership more bearable.
Leaders often act alone but always walk with those outside the organization who care most about them, can follow this advice.
- ROOT OUT THE SOURCE OF LONELINESS
First off, it might be helpful for new leaders to consider the source of their disconnection: is it due to being truly isolated? Or might that sense of uneasiness also be tied to the new identity that leadership brings? Leaders who reflect by considering, how much of what I’m feeling is tied to the new role I’m learning? may find solace in the answers. It can be helpful to understand that one’s loneliness isn’t in any way a personal failing, but rather an outgrowth of forming new business relationships and learning new skills.
- CREATE NEW, MEANINGFUL SOCIAL NETWORKS
Moving into a managerial role means forging relationships with a new set of peers—other frontline leaders. And although this might seem daunting, there is evidence that gathering with this group can help thwart loneliness. “Cultivating a network of allies. . .can provide mutual support in creating positive change to improve performance,” New leaders should look for ways to form bonds. Examples include intentionally connecting for informal activities, such as lunch, or participating in more formal organizational events, such as peer coaching.
- LEVERAGE CASUAL INTERACTIONS
It’s not just the strong bonds we have with colleagues, friends, and family that lead to overall feelings of connectedness. Random interactions can help us feel less lonely as well. Gillian Sandstrom, whose research focuses on “weak ties”—those brief, positive social encounters people have throughout their day—has found that when we have a genuine social interaction with a stranger, we feel 17% happier and more socially connected.
Leaders can leverage weak ties in the workplace by creating intention to connect. Sandstrom reports that the simple act of smiling and saying “hello” to a stranger increase’s positive emotions and aids in the feeling of connectivity, so even something as simple as smiling at people passing in the hallways can lesson feelings of loneliness.
This strategy of “intentional connection” is especially important for leaders who find themselves in a hybrid or remote work configuration; they must proactively seek out social interaction in their day, whether it’s when walking their dog or taking a break at their local coffee shop. Some organizations put a structured process into place to aid in creating weak ties. For example, during the pandemic, Google created randomly generated 15-minute virtual “coffee chat” meetings to help employees and leaders connect with people they wouldn’t otherwise meet.
- FRAME MISSTEPS AS LEARNING EXPERIENCES
As frontline managers adjust to managing people, they may find themselves navigating new territory with unease—such as managing conflict among colleagues or communicating a big workplace change. It’s inevitable that new leaders won’t do this all perfectly. Instead of berating themselves and keeping missteps silent, they should see these as valuable learning experiences, discuss them with peer managers, and ask experienced leaders if they have recommended best practices. By framing missteps as learning experiences and discussing them with peers, new leaders can more easily release the tension and isolation that a new leadership identity may bring and may even start to confidently embrace their role. More structured initiatives, such as lunch-and-learn events and formalized frontline leadership development programs, can help facilitate this social learning.
Feelings of loneliness are common for first-time leaders because a sense of isolation often accompanies their new role. Instead of suffering in silence, new frontline leaders should use their current discomfort as an opportunity to be more intentional about creating connection at work. By understanding the source of their isolation and taking steps to ameliorate these feelings, they can expand their network, feel happier and socially connected, and more effectively tackle their daily work.
Bio:
Dr. Bill Pomfret of Safety Projects International Inc who has a training platform, said, “It’s important to clarify that deskless workers aren’t after any old training. Summoning teams to a white-walled room to digest endless slides no longer cuts it. Mobile learning is quickly becoming the most accessible way to get training out to those in the field or working remotely. For training to be a successful retention and recruitment tool, it needs to be an experience learner will enjoy and be in sync with today’s digital habits.”
Every relationship is a social contract between one or more people. Each person is responsible for the functioning of the team. In our society, the onus is on the leader. It is time that employees learnt to be responsible for their actions or inaction, as well. And this takes a leader to encourage them to work and behave at a higher level.